


Tales of Icarus

by Your_Pal_Cal



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Stalking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29974596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Your_Pal_Cal/pseuds/Your_Pal_Cal
Summary: Perhaps he knew this would happen, after all luck had never been in his favor, but still, deciding right then in there to risk everything, for what? His friend that may never love him back?
Relationships: Fellpoth, Lotus/Rurik, Poth - Relationship





	1. Chapter 1

**_January 23rd 202x,_ **

**_Today officially marks the dooms day clock. And yet, despite my tragic play that is my life, I still am stuck on ACT 1. I know it's for the best that I don't tell him about my feelings, besides, not much love around here anyways.... Mmm I've gotten side tracked. Still no progress on fixing what's to come soon._ **

**_But I was able to fix my drum set! Maybe I should invite Rurik over again, it's been a while since we actually jammed out together. On second thought, I should continue my research, I can't waist anymore time focusing on the pain to come from the memories..._ **

The blaring sound of his alarm took Lotus off his book. "Ah, four thirty seven..." He reached over to grab a water bottle from under his desk, and sat back up to retrieve his medicine. Putting all the pills together, Lotus quickly swallowed them down, chasing it with water. Not his favorite part of the day, but a necessity. Staring at the open journal, he sighs. So little happens, and it's still the same shit as always. _Should I call him?_ Lotus knows that he can. But should he? It's been ages since he's called Rurik, and that's not to say they don't talk, but it's been a while since they've even seen each other.

After their previous relationship, many would assume that Lotus wouldn't have feelings for Rurik... But Nope! Because what would his life be like without something going wrong? Certainly much like his cousins, actually happy... _Would it hurt to call him? We're still friends... So why does it hurt?_ Pushing back black hair, Lotus groans, leaning back in his chair and looks up at the ceiling. "gods give me strength" he mummers dragging his hands down his face.

Deciding on not being a coward for once, Lotus sits up and goes for his phone, picking up, he's filled with anxiety, but also that old but familiar feeling of butterflies in his stomach. Scrolling through his contacts he clicks on his old friends, the call button is right there... But instead he opts out, and texts Rurik instead. This was better right? Yeah, besides, it's five in the morning, who's to say that Rurik is even up still? Truly, it couldn't possibly be the deities he's unknowingly angered. He began typing.

Once done he reads over the message, _"_ Sweet Stars I sound so lonely!" He spoke out loud, before erasing the message, " I don't know what to say" he mumbled, before settling on a simple 'sup'... _'sup_ _?_ _'sup_ _???? When have I ever said that???_ With another groan, Lotus snacks his own forehead, rolling his eyes, "Why am I so bad at this??" He grumbles to himself. And to add to his stressing, the ping of his phone brought him back,

 _Rurik 5:07 am_  
 _ **You're not dead haha**_  
_You 5:08 am_  
_**Yeah. Still the same.**_

Lotus smiles a bit, before going to type back his reply

 _You 5:08 am_  
_**Yeah haha, sorry for not getting to**_  
 _ **you. I've been swamped, between**_  
 _ **work and my dad.**_

Oh great. Really bringing in the personal stuff again huh? The other doesn't respond right away, and he's already worrying again,

_Rurik 5:10am_   
_**Wait, don't you have work at 5pm???? What are you doing up, I thought you fixed you schedule???** _

Ah, classic Rurik, completely missing the point. Though Lotus will consider this time a win.   
  
_You 5:11 am_  
_**Oh yeah huh? I guess I lost track of**_  
 _ **time, wby, why u up?**_

Truth be told, he was still up because of the constant pain that is his next door neighbors. They've been pretty bad lately. Some asshat and lady lived next door, and on the occasion, they'd begin to fight, which would trigger Lotus' night terrors. But he didn't want Rurik to feel bad for that either.

_Rurik 5:12 am_   
_**Mmm** _ _**, I call bullshit, but whatever, I'm up because I have work soon.** _

Lotus nodded to himself. Yawning, then replying

_You 5:14_ _am_  
 _ **Ha ha, but cool... Tho I should**_  
 _ **probably go to bed.. the suns up,**_  
 _ **and we all know that means I must**_  
 _ **return to my humble abode, and**_  
 _ **rest.**_

Deciding to leave the conversation there, he turns off his phone and throws it on the charger. Setting an alarm for three pm, he lays in bed. _This. This was a mistake._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter CW // Panic Attack.** _ **_Body dysphoria(_ ** **_dysmorphia_ ** **_)_ **

He's honestly so tired today. Work had been a lot, with customers ordering some stupid drink they found online, to extra adults who think they're above everyone else because they get payed one dollar more than the rest, that suddenly means they are top priority.

But what can they do!? It's a coffee shop! Lotus groaned, at least he got to go home early after the last customer threw their iced coffee at him, the smell is going to stain for days. And it'll be annoying to get it out of his hair. Walking into the bathroom, he avoids the mirror, and quickly removes his clothes. His body shivers as he catches sight of scars on his legs, his eyes shoot forward, and he walks starting the shower.

He steps in immediately, using the cold water to 'wake him up'. He picks at his fingers, nervously avoiding looking at the rest of his disgusting body. From scars to eerie features, to how skiny he was. His body never felt natural to him, if always felt odd and unfamiliar. Once the water warmed he began to wash the coffee out if his hair and off his face. He wants to be mad but his meds make it hard. The moment he turned off the water, it was back out of the shower, avoiding the mirror, and into clean clothes. He quickly cleans the bathroom floor and rushes out. The bathroom was his second least favorite part of the house.

Looking at his phone, he catches the notification of the call blocker he had installed a few months ago, and a few missed texts. Erasing the call blocker notification, he goes to answer the texts. There are two from Rurik and three from Goth. He looked curiously at the texts Goth sent

_Dumb- 3:14pm_   
**_Hey are busy later this week? Wanted to have brunch with you._ **

_Dumb-_ _3:30pm_   
_**Lotus, Palette and I are worried about you. You've been so quiet, I told him that you're busy working, but I feel like it's a little more than that. I wanted to let you know that we're here for you, we're your friend after all.** _

_Dumb-_ _3:40pm_

_**Just let me know if you aren't busy, ok?** _

Oh, wow, Lotus felt bad. He'd been super stressed out lately, and super busy too. So he hadn't found time to talk to friends much. But maybe he did need a day off. He usually spent all his time working, or working on trying to avoid his father. So a brunch with friends didn't sound too bad at all. He quickly responded that he can take the day off tomorrow if they wanted to meet up. Then opened Rurik's texts.

_Rurik 2:06pm_

_**I just realized that was the first time we've talked in a bit huh?** _

_Rurik 2:39pm_

_**Not that I blame you for not wanting to talk to me. Not after what happened...** _

Lotus stated at the texts, it's not like he could tell Rurik that isn't the case. That he'd been busy as of late. He really couldn't. Rurik had been right, they haven't talked in a while, for several reasons. Being busy was part of it, but also how their relationship ended. Even now, it's like the reminder that he didn't want. Why he stopped talking to Rurik in the first place... But when has he been the one to just let people go? Lotus sometimes wishes he could. Then he wouldn't be worried about people like Rurik, or his stupid boss, or his father.

He could just put it behind him. But noooo, he just had to still have feelings for him, still hasn't found another job, and he surely couldn't have one month where his father would just forget he existed.

_You-_ _12:37am_

**_Yeah... Sorry about that, it's not that I've been purposely avoiding you or anything like that, just been really busy. But hey! I got my drum kit fixed up, if you still know how to play guitar, maybe we can meet up next Thursday? If your not busy._ **

"Oh my gosh. Why did I offer that! That is the opposite of what I was supposed to do!" He could take back the offer, but that wouldn't make him feel any better, now would it? Maybe he should just stop worrying over nothing. Well, it's not like he is stressing over nothing, but still. He flops onto his bed, looking at the ceiling. _Stupid. You're literally fucking stupid._ His phone buzzed and he dreaded looking at the notification. He brought his phone up to where he could see it,

_Dumb 12:38 am_

_**Awesome! Does 11:30 sound good to you? I know that's pretty late according to your standards, but we promised to drop Pastel off at my parents place at like 10, not my idea of course, haha.** _

11:30 is Early... But if he slept now, he should be able to wake up in time.

_You 12:39 am_

_Sure! And no problem, can't wait to see you guys!_

With that out of the way, Lotus places his phone on the charger and stares up at the ceiling. He would sleep early enough without aid... He turned over to the shelf on the wall, looking at the bottle of Melatonin. With a sigh, he sits up and walks over to the shelf. Grabbing one of the tablets, he plops it in his mouth and waits. He walks back over, chewing on the tablet, for some reason he was anxious again. But sleeping always made him anxious. Laying on his bed, he once again stares at the ceiling.

He wakes with a gasp at the loud bang that sounded all too real. He sat up, panting, shaking hands push back his black hair, and fall into his lap. He took Shakey deep breaths, trying to will the tears away, he looked over to his phone and tapped the screen. _3:19am_ with a heavy sigh, he falls back onto his bed, phone in hand. He tries to fall back asleep, but he couldn't. Every sound was louder, and the textures of his clothes felt itchy. He sits back up and removes his shirt.

Even with if off, his skin still itches. He tries to keep himself from itching, trying to remind himself that what he's feeling isn't real. It isn't real, it isn't real, it isn't real. He let out another gasp, desperately trying to gulp down air. The sound of his alarm nearly pulls a scream from his throat. Looking at his phone, he stares at the screen, as if that would make it stop. Taking in what finally felt like a real breath, he turned off the alarm. "Medicine. I just need to take my medicine." He continued to mumble til he placed the pills into his mouth and chased it down with water. Once finished, he stood in the middle of room and sighed, he should take a shower.


	3. Chapter 3

"So what's new with you?" Goth asked, as the three walked down the street, "Not much. What about you guys? How's it been?" Lotus replies, staring down at his feet. "We've been good! Pastel's starting school soon, so we've had our hands full with that." "Yeah! Which reminds me, your parents are wanting to have dinner when we go over to pick up Pastel." Palette says, the three stop for a minute, "tonight? Mmm, I don't know if we can stay, but I guess we can try. Hey, maybe you can tag along Lotus! I'm sure my parents would like to have you over again. That's if we can go" the smaller of the three offers, Lotus thinks about it, "umm, I'm not sure. I might be busy" he says, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

"Oh. Um. Ok. Well we should definitely plan a dinner with my parents! You haven't talked to them either." Goth mummers the last bit, "Why is that, by the way?" Palette asks, and while Goth glared at Palette for such an intrusive question, he too, couldn't help being curious as well. Lotus avoids their stare, "umm, I- I've just been busy, saving up for a restraining order for my dad-" "What!?" Both his friends say, worry taking over, making him shrink into himself as they begin to crowd him.

"Why haven't you told us?" "How long has this been going on?" "Do you need us to help you to pay for it?" "Yeah, do you need a place to stay?" "What abo-" "Guys!" Lotus cut through their questions, he was shaking, and clearly overwhelmed. Understanding what they were doing, both Goth and Palette stepped back, apologising. "I just- Lotus we've been worried about you. And we really don't mind helping you out financially, we make enough-" "No. I need to do this by myself, ok? I get it, and I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you guys as much anymore... But life's been stressful, like the other day I actually talked to Rurik again-" This time, Palette physically cut him off, making it so Lotus was facing him. "You're joking right? Why would you be talking to Rurik again? Didn't that loser cheat on you?" "Palette" Goth hissed, smacking his husband's arm. "What the hell is wrong with you" Goth hisses again. But Lotus was already upset, "You know what, I think I need to go home now." Lotus says, shifting his hands into his pockets, and grabbing his keys. "Thanks for brunch and everything." Before Goth or Palette could stop him, Lotus pushed passed his friends.

When he was far enough, he let the few tears fall down his face as he quickened his pace. Wiping his tears from his face, _I knew I shouldn't have come here. I knew this was a mistake._ But they were right... Palette was right. It's not like Lotus forgot or anything. But he just- He's just so tired of being angry at people. He had enough to worry about. He just couldn't believe that Palette, out of all people, would be that blunt about this.... Yet again, he reminds himself that he couldn't completely blame his friends for their worry.

Lotus stopped by his car, resting his head on the roof, looking inside. He felt his phone go off, and looked at his notification

_Dumber- 12:37 pm_

_**I'm sorry for doing that... It wasn't ok for me to say that. I just don't want him hurting you again, of course that doesn't excuse what I did just now, but idk man. You've been so quiet lately and Goth and I have been worried about you... I just wanted you to know that I'm really sorry, I should've handled that better.** _

Lotus stares at the text, before letting out a heavy sigh. He puts his phone back into his pocket and leans away from his car, nervously picking at his fingers again. He should go home... Go home and take a shower... Or maybe make some tea? Yeah. Tea sounded good... He opens the door to his car and gets in.


	4. Chapter 4

_Dumb - Mon. Feb 4th 3:30pm_

_**Lotus, are you doing ok? I understand if you're still upset about what Palette said a few days ago. That was totally uncalled for.** _

__ _Dumb-_ _Mon. Feb 4th 4:57pm_

_**Hey, let me know if you're ok... I'm getting worried.** _

_Dumb- Wed. Feb 6th 2:38pm_

_**Lotus??? I'm getting really, really worried. Are you ok? If you don't answer me, at least by tomorrow, I'm coming over....** _

_Rurik- Wed. Feb 6th 3:30pm_

_**Goth texted me for like the first time in ages.... Is everything ok? He says you've been quite. Do you need someone to talk to? Ik I'm not the best at listening, but I'll try.** _

_Rurik-_ _Thurs. Feb 14th 2:27pm_

_**Lotus. You're freaking everyone out. I know you're reading these messages, just talk to someone, please? Goth said he went Over last week and you didn't answer, he tried to get in but saw your car missing. I guess Palette convinced him you went to work... But can you please say something to someone?** _

More messages, more missed calls, more worried voice mails... Lotus laid in bed, staring at the wall, What was he supposed to say? Each day he avoided talking to them, the harder it became to actually do it. His alarm went off, he had to get ready for work. It was honestly the only thing he could force himself to do. As he got ready, he heard a knock at his door.... Did he want to answer it? What if it we're Palette or Goth again? No. No he needed to answer it... He shouldn't scare his friends like this... Even if he didn't mean too... Stepping out of his room and down the hall, he opens the front door. Except he's taken back when Rurik is standing there, before he could say anything, the other let's out a heavy sigh of what Lotus could only assume was relief. "Oh sweet gods, you're alive. You had us worried, and Goth said you weren't answering them and just gave me your address, I thought I should mention that otherwise this would be weird, but that's not the point-" "What are you doing here?" Lotus interrupts, Rurik looks at him dumbfounded, "umm, hello? You haven't been answering anyone for almost two weeks? Lotus, are you feeling alright? You look like shit-" the other steps forward, which made Lotus step back, looking up at his ex, Rurik stopped for a second, before reaching out to the other.

Lotus flinched when the others hand gently cupped his cheek. "Is this about what Palette said? Goth told me about it... Or is it something else? Are you taking your meds?" Lotus was at a loss for words, Rurik was genuinely worried, he thought about it... It really wasn't because of what Palette had said... "I- I don't know man... There's been so much going on and i- I've been so stressed out and tired. I didn't mean to make you guys worried- I'm sorry that I did- but I didn't know what to say- and a day became a week- I'm sorry" Lotus sputters out, Rurik sighs, before his hands moved to take Lotus', keeping him from picking at his fingers, which he didn't even notice he was doing.

"It's ok Lotus, really. We're just glad that you're not hurt. Listen... If you need someone, just let me know, ok? I know I hurt you a lot in the past,but I want to make it up- or at least just let you know that I still care about you." Lotus nods, looking down at their hands. "What are you doing right now?" Rurik asks, Lotus looks up at him, before looking back at the wall "I was, um, about to leave for work." He says, the other let's go of his hands and Lotus shoves then into his front pockets, "oh- I was going to ask if you wanted to go on a ride, maybe up to west point? Like old times?"

Lotus stared at the floor for a little bit, before a small smile tugged it's way into his face, "yeah actually. Let's do that" he says, looking back at his friend, "wait- what about work?" Rurik asked, Lotus shrugged, "dude I don't take PTO. And I usually work overtime, I'm pretty sure my boss would be thrilled that I'm actually taking a break hah" Lotus says, "don't you need to let them know, like a few hours before hand?" "Rurik, I go into work at the most ungodly of hours." The other let's out a chuckle mumbling something on the lines of "of course you do", Lotus rolled his eyes, gently jabbing the other, it felt nice to actually feel happy about something.

The drive was pretty good, with general catching up and talks about the old gang, "man, I hated Jake, glad he left." "Psh, no kidding, that man was a fucking creep, who's idea was it to invite him into our friend group again?" Rurik asks, Lotus hums in thought, "I think he was Sam's boyfriend" Lotus said, "oh shit! Man, I kinda miss Sam" "What happened to her anyways?" Lotus asked, "Think she got married, and had a few kids, but I'm not sure, was a while ago" "Yeah... Remember when we'd play at bars?" Lotus asked, "Uh, yeah! Those were the good times haha..."

The other trailed off again, Lotus looked over, "remember when you fell off stage?" He asked, pulling the other back in , "Which time are we talking about?" Rurik asks with a chuckle, Lotus laughs before thinking, "Was it, uh, Sanderson's Bar 'n' Grill?" " Oh- Yeah, I remember that! Haha, that actually hurt" "yeah, I bet, you fell face first into the ground" "still have the scars" the two laugh at the memory," We should try to meet up with the gang again... I feel like it's been forever since we all talked" Lotus said, looking out the windshield, "For sure, it would definitely be nice to see how everyone's been." Lotus hummed in agreement, "I can't believe that was only three years ago."

"No kidding... Feels longer than that..." The two fall silent, with the sound of the radio playing, "We're almost there... Wonder if our hang out spot is still there. We should rebuild it some day" Rurik mummers the last part, Lotus nods "yeah, I hope so too, that'd be pretty cool. Wonder If all of AJ's weed's still there" "Oh I hope so, but probably not. Not unless they hid it well" "Well you know AJ," "They Know what they're doing" the two quote, laughing at the memory of said quote. "Geez, I hope everyone's doing ok... Accept Jake, Jake can go fuck himself to be honest" another bout of laughter. "This is nice... Thanks for offering to do this" Lotus said, "I haven't laughed this much in a while" "no problem... I Know I've been saying it a lot, but I'm really sorry for what happened...I'm just glad you're giving me another chance."

Lotus smiled, "I'm glad too..." While he said he wanted to remain friends, there was a part of him that still wanted to be more... Who wants to just sneak kisses between shows again, that wants to stay up late, talking about secrets and personal stuff... Lotus still loved Rurik... But he can't...Not when things have been getting worse, not with his father being more persistent this time around... back then, they'd all sneak out, and Lotus had that secret... But now... Now he was afraid... Afraid that his father was going to keep true to his word... _Not with the clock ticking._


	5. Chapter 5

**CW // Panic Attack, Fainting, Implied Stalking**

_**Dear diary,** _

_**Once again, I've proven to myself that I'm the dumbest bitch alive.**_ **_Anyways, I talked to Barbra this week about my hours. As I figured, she has a problem with me working too many hours... I think if I get a second job, I can solve that issue with just- working excessively... Actually, probably not. All I know, is that I'm getting closer to my goal! Then I can finally have a little more security. On another note, going to West Point was_** ** _a-_** ** _umm, a questionable choice. I feel stupid about not being over him completely... We found the_** _**little hideout we built a few years ago, looks like some kids made it their own, which is actually pretty neat! I like the idea that another friend group can make memories there. It also made us search for the weed AJ left. Didn't find it, Rurik and I just assumed that someone other than the current residence took it haha.**_

Lotus sighs and closed his book, checking the time, Lotus got up and quickly took his medication. Grabbing his keys, he made his way to his car. Once he got there, he threw on his apron, tying up his hair. He walked in, being greeted by Bethany, "Hey man! Missed you last week! How's the burn doing?" She asked, opening the counter for Lotus to walk through, "It itches, but it's fine haha" the two hug quickly, "Dude, you should've been here though, Alyssa and Ryan were caught making out in the back room-" "No way." "Ooohh, it gets worse. Barbra walked in, super pissed,- oh hold up" Bethany said, walking over to the cash register as a customer walked in.

Getting the order, Lotus began working on it, Bethany coming over to assist, once finished, the two continued talking. _I'm so glad night shift is quiet_ he thinks, "anyways, so like she walks in, and like, walks into the backroom, and just starts going off, yelling at them 'Fith time this week!' and then, oh man, she fired them" Bethany says, Lotus looks at his co-worker in surprise, "Really? Shit, I hope she's in a good mood when I go to talk to her tomorrow haha" Bethany looked at him concerned, "Hope it's just about how much you work, and not her firing you" she said, Lotus nodded, "You know, bestie, sometimes we say things we shouldn't-" the two laugh, before another customer walked in.

While working on this order together, Bethany leans over, "Hey, how's things going with your dad 'n stuff. He still calling you?" Lotus sighs, handing her the sandwich, he waits for her to come back, "Yeah. And it's been pretty bad lately. I feel like he's getting more confident, and now I'm scared of going home..." Lotus sighed, "Seriously, do you wanna stay at my place for a bit? I know Kayla wouldn't mind." Bethany offered in a hushed tone, Lotus thought about it, "Umm, I don't know... I'll definitely think about it. Maybe I'll stay a week?" Bethany looked at him before smiling, "Yeah, man, just lemme know, ok?" Lotus nods, "Thanks Beth." "Of course Lotus."

It's much later into their shift, on their third cup of discounted coffee, and of course the shift was slow. "Y'know, for a twenty-four seven, this place sees the least amount of customers at night." Lotus muttered, washing the counters, "for real, like we're the only coffee shop I know is open this late. You'd think night shift would be all over this place" "yeah" the two sigh, "Gooooddddd I want this shift to be over!" Bethany groaned, "what time is it?" She asks, Lotus leans back from the counter, pulling out his phone, "uhh, it's three am. Shift ends at four" "For the both of us" Bethany says, looking at Lotus, "I mean-" "No sir. You are walking with me to your car. Not letting you work extra hours. Even told Ezekiel to shove you out the door if you managed a quick one" she says, jokingly glaring at him, Lotus rolls his eyes, " Ok. Ok. I'll go home on time" "Good! Hahah, don't think Barbs would want you working more anyways." Lotus nodded.

After their shift, Bethany stays true to her word and walks him over to their cars. "Ok, take care, call me if you need anything ok? I know you aren't a big fan of asking for help, but just, don't try to handle things all on your own too much, you have a lot of people who care and love you Lotus." The two hug, "Yeah... I'll definitely call, ok?" "Sounds good. Have a good night!" She says, getting into her car, Lotus get into his as well.

The ride home seemed longer, and he had a bad feeling as he turned down his road. Parking, he quickly looks around the surrounding area, "no one." He mummers, grabbing his keys and pepper spray, he walks out. Walking over to his door, he stops and looks down, a package? He didn't remember ordering anything... He felt anxious as he picked it up. It's addressed to him, but there's no return address... He quickly unlocks his door and steps inside, before closing it and turning on his lights.

He moved to the kitchen, grabbing a knife and opening the package. He nearly screamed, dropping the package onto the counter, stumbling back, clutching his chest and he gasped for his breath. "W-what the fuck!?" He asked to no one. He needed to double check, he needed to make sure this was real. With trembling steps he walked over to the package again.

His hand reached out and grabbed the tattered red scarf inside the box. He felt sick. The world was spinning and he felt like he was going to pass out. _When did he get on the floor._ Everything seemed blurry but that red scarf. That tattered red scarf. He let out a loud sob, currling into himself, and covered his ears. As if that would work. _He needed to get out of here. Out of the kitchen. Out._ _ **He needed out!**_ When he looks up, he's in the bathroom, _when did I get here?_ His body refused to move from the sink, which he was leaning on. He felt sick. He just wanted to live in peace. Away from his psycho father. Away from the pain. He just wanted to live. Taking in gasps of air, he tried to catch his breath.

He stumbled over to his shower, turning it on, and setting it as cold as he could, he plops down on the floor of the bath, gasping as the cold water met his boiling hot skin. He coughed as he tried to get air into his lungs, he could barely keep his eyes open. His eyes fluttered shut.

And when he woke again, the was still in the shower, completely soaked. He took another gasp of air, but everything hurt. He tiredly stood up, using the wall to help him, and turned off the water. He stumbled out of the bath, nearly slipping. And made his way to his room. Removing the soaked clothes, he threw on some dry clothes. He needed to call someone... Walking down, he grabbed his phone, avoiding the kitchen entirely. He tried to turn it on, but it was dead. He sighed, walking back over to his room and plugged it in. He waited til it got to two percent, before turning it on. He quickly opened his contacts, and scrolled before calling the number.

"Hello?" Lotus pulled his phone back, struggling to focus on the name, _you can't be fucking serious_ "Lotus?" "H-Hey. Um sorry. Uh, I didn't mean to wake you..." "Is everything ok? You sound out of it?" "Rurik, are- are you doing anything right now?" He asks, not answering the others question. Not intentionally ignoring it, he could barely focus. "Uh- no, not really... Are you ok? Did something happen?" Lotus muttered a yeah, before rubbing his head, "Do you need me to come over?" From the sounds of it, the other was already preparing to do so. Lotus tried to think about it, but his brain was still scattered, "mmm, yeah... I think I fainted? I'donn'know. I woke up in the bathtub, with the shower on... Can't re-remember how I umm got there..." "That's ok. I'll be over there in a few minutes, ok? We'll figure it out from there" "ok... Thanks" Lotus hung up, before the other could say anything, he turned around, sitting on the floor, back against his bed.

His body still hurt and his head felt like it was throbbing. _This,This was going to be a long ride._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've figured out how to make the text bold and italicized 😤👊🏻 win for the gays


	6. Chapter 6

Pulling up into the parking lot, Lotus walks into work. Before he'd left, Rurik practically forced him to wrap his arm, and take a bottle of pain killers with him. "Hey Lotus- holy crap! You look like shit!" Bethany called from the counter, receiving a dirty look from a customer. She quickly apologized for her language, before opening the counter for her friend. "Thanks, I feel like it. Haha, anyways, Barb here?" He asked, Bethany replied that she hadn't seen her walk in yet. Lotus nodded, before settling up the counter.

"What happened, get drunk finally?" Bethany asked with a laugh, Lotus sighed, "No... Hey umm, could I take you up on that offer from yesterday? I have a friend who can stay at my place, but not until next week..." He asks, Bethany's smile dropped, before she stepped closer, "Yeah, man, of course, what happened?" Her hushed tone is drenched in concern, Lotus leans away from the counter, "A lot, actually... I just need somewhere else to be for now..." Bethany nods, "Yeah, I'll let Kayla know." Lotus thanks his friend before continuing work.

The shift definitely helped a lot! He felt a lot less stressed. That was until Barbra came and the two walked into the back room. They both sit down, and Barbara sighs, "Lotus, I'm sure you know why we're having this conversation." She says, Lotus nods, "Good. Listen kid, I like you. You work really hard and you and Bethany are my best employees, but I'm starting to worry about your health." "I know, I'm sorry, I just really need the extra money, and you usually need people to cover the in between shifts-" "Yes, Yes, I'm aware. But dear, you can't work your best if you're not feeling your best. I mean, no offense, but you haven't been looking all too good." "... I'm sorry- It's just- I've been trying to stay on top of my health, and I know working more isn't helping but I really need to work extra hours-" Barbara sighs, "Lotus, if you keep working these extra hours, I'm going to have to put my foot down. I don't want to do that. I don't like seeing working yourself sick. I've been letting you take these last minute breaks because you need them. In the past three years, you've hardly used your PTO, in fact, you've only used it three times in the last four months. Lotus, dear, you need to find a better alternative to getting that extra money. Bethany told me you used to play and sell music, what happened to that?" Lotus looked away for a moment, nervously picking at his fingers, "... I umm. I had to stop to make time to work... Here..."

"See? This is what I'm talking about. Lotus, in my years of owning this place, never, ever, have I had to tell an employee to stop working so hard. I'm going to have to put you on a suspension if you don't start taking care of yourself. You understand this right?" Barbara concludes. Lotus looks at her nervously, "Yes, ma'am" Barbara looks at her employee with a solemn expression. "Listen, starting tonight, no more working extra hours. I'll do some math and see if I can just give you a raise." "You really don't have too" he instinctively replied, she lets out a huff before smiling, "Again, you and Bethany are my hardest working employees, and I've already given Beth a raise, I think I can manage to give you one. Or maybe a promotion... We'll figure it out, in the meantime, what are we going to avoid?" "Working extra hours" Lotus says, receiving a nod in response, "Good. Now you can go back to work, I'll be in here working on some paperwork if you kids need me." Lotus nodded, saying his thank yous, and returning back to work.

Bethany quickly walked up to him, "Well, what'd she say?" She asks, Lotus walks to the counter, waiting for the next customer, "She just told me that I need to stop working extra hours or else she'll suspend me. Though, I might get promoted" he says the last part with an awkward laugh, "Man, that's pretty rad! You definitely deserve it!" Lotus laughed shyly, "Uh, I wouldn't say I do... I feel like Ezekiel is more of the manager type... Definitely not me" "Dude, shut up. The way you handled that lady after she threw her coffee at you? That, that was some leader skills. I would have been over the counter top in seconds." Bethany said, Lotus chuckled, "I mean, you almost did just that" Bethany laughed "Yeah. Luckily I didn't have too. Or else it would have been me being fired." "Or maybe not, I remember hearing that Barb was pretty mad when she got the call." "Well yeah, she likes us" the two continue their work, making light conversation here and there.

"Ok, I texted KK earlier, we'll have to set up the guest room. Are you ok waiting one more night?" Bethany asks, as the two worked on cleaning up before the next shift. Lotus thought for a second, "Yeah... I think I should ok." He said. Bethany nodded, "ok. Good. You don't hesitate to call me if you need to come over asap, got it?" "Yes ma'am" Bethany nods, before finishing up. The two walk out together and say their goodbyes. Lotus sighed as he got into his car, he pretty much packed for this, so he already had a pillow in the back seat.

He didn't mind having to sleep in his car, he's done it before. He just needed somewhere to park for the night... _Hmm, I don't know of any lots around here...._ He pulls out of the shops parking lot and drove around for a while, before finding himself on a rest area looking out towards the city lights. Lotus stared at them for a bit, before pulling out his windshield and window covers. Once he set that up, he climbed into the back and pushed down the back seats, thanking himself for cleaning out his trunk the other day. Pulling out his portable charger, he connects it to his phone. Looking at the notifications. Nothing much, other than a few missed texts.

_Rurik 4:00pm_

**_Hey, just checking to make sure you're still ok.... Are you ok? I know I literally have no business to be asking this... But idk man.... You seemed really out of it yesterday, it's been a while since I've seen you have one that bad._ **

_Rurik 5:58pm_

**_Just remembered that I was supposed to be packing for next week. Are you absolutely sure you're ok with me, out of all people, staying at your place? Like, I know you and Alex are still talking, or at least you guys were...._ **

_Dumb 7:45pm_

**_Hey so Rurik texted me last night, said you had a real bad anxiety attack, or panic attack, he wasn't sure. Are you alright? You're keeping on top of your meds right? Is it your father? Palette and I have no problem dropping Pastel off at my parents for a bit and we can stay there with you, or you could stay with us._ **

There's a lot to go over, Lotus decided to respond to Goth first. Seeing as he was always the first one to become anxious about things like this.

_You 5:17 AM_   
**_Hey, yeah I'm ok. Last night was just really bad haha. But yes, I've been staying on top of everything, just like I promised. And no, it's ok. I already, and with much regret before you say anything, agreed to Rurik staying at my place for a week._ **

Lotus sighs tiredly, switching over to Rurik.

_You 5:18am_   
**_Yeah, I'm good. Really fucking sore, but good. And yeah, I'm sure. Alex and I stopped talking a few months ago after she and I got into a bit of an argument. But anyways, I'm up by The Gates, decided to sleep in my car tonight. Beth said I could stay with her and her friend Kayla til next week. So I'll be there, um, thanks for agreeing to stay. I know we haven't talked in a while and things ended pretty messy between us, so I won't lie, it's pretty awkward, hah, I do appreciate that you still agreed._ **

Lotus groans, letting his phone out of his hands, he couldn't be serious right?? What if Rurik felt bad- _what am I thinking? He's the one that cheated...._ In a lot of ways, Lotus was still really hurt about it despite the two facts that Laid in front of him, such as: It was three years ago, and he still has feelings for him... Why'd this have to happen to him? Was asking to have a somewhat normal life too much too ask for? Though, he did leave his dad behind... He still feels bad for that... He stares at the ceiling of his car, his father was starting to scare him... More than the sick bastard already did on a normal basis, but this? This was new. Sure he's gotten letters from the other, threatening that if Lotus didn't come back, there'd be hell to pay, but the last thing he expected was to ever see that red scarf again... There was a reason he left it behind... So many memories of being dragged by the tails of it, down the basement steps. Lotus pulls himself out of his deep thinking when his phone buzzes.

_Rurik 5:37 am_

**_I get that... I know this definitely doesn't help, and I keep saying it, but I really am sorry for that. No amount of anything can or will justify that. Anyways, that's pretty good, once I get off work, I'll do a drive up to your house to make sure nothings been fucked with. Just can't believe you old man's that psychotic, and I thought my dad was bad... Are you sure you're ok? I don't want to pester you, I mean too late for that, but like, form what you told me, he was a pretty awful person. And if last night is anything to go off of, you definitely aren't in a good head space right now._ **

Lotus stared at the text for a bit, he wanted to respond, but he was also really tired. Why did he even talk to Rurik? He knew this would happen, "Ugh" Lotus groans, shoving the pillow into his face. "I'm so stupid" he Huff's. Pulling the pillow away, he shoves it under his head. With a heavy sigh, Lotus turned deciding to sleep it off.


	7. Chapter 7

"But are you sure you're doing ok?" Lotus groaned, looking at his friend, "Yeah. I'm fine." He said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Rurik looked at him with much concern, but asking again wouldn't make Lotus feel any better. "I just don't want to think about this week, ok?" Lotus groans, "Yeah... It's just-" he could go on to say that he's worried that his father is crazier than before, that he's worried he'll lose Lotus... Why couldn't he shake this bad feeling?

Maybe it was how Lotus looked, dressed in a muscle shirt and sweats, hair tied up but obviously tangled, and deep circles surrounded his eyes... Rurik didn't really want to look at how bad the other's hands must look. "I get that you're worried, and I really do appreciate it Rurik, but this was one bad week, and it was one bold move... It doesn't mean anything" the last bit is spoken like he's trying to convince himself more than Rurik. Which might be very, very, true. "Yeah.. Ok." Is all he says, Lotus obviously doesn't want to talk about it, nor does he have to... Especially to him...

"Anyway! What's new with you? Haven't really had a chance to catch up huh?" Lotus says, "Mmm, not much, buried my old man a few months ago, been working." Lotus looks at him with concern, "Oh, are you ok?" Rurik scoffs, "Yeah. Fucker deserved to rot on the sofa, I was actually pretty annoyed they wanted me to 'do the honors' but literally no one else would." There's an award silence, "What about you, how's it been? Y'know, besides all of this week." Lotus ponders for a moment before moving over to the kitchen, "Not much... Haven't really been doing great... But I think it's just one of my stupid funks.." " 'Can tell" truthfully, that probably wasn't a nice way to put it, if the deafening Silence was anything to go by.

Lotus walked out of the kitchen holding two glasses of water, "I could pour this on you, y'know" there isn't hurt in the words, infact Lotus is smirking, which Rurik takes as a good sign, "Oh yeah? And what's stopping you?" "I don't want to clean water off the floor." He says, walking over and handing him the water.

"Anywho, I work a pretty solid schedule, so I'll leave here about twelve am tonight. Wednesdays I work really wonky shifts so I don't quite know what times I go in. It's really a matter of; if they need me." He explains, "Though I've been covering for Margret, she's on maternity leave, so I usually work from five pm to twelve am" He says, taking a sip of water, "Alright, sounds decent. I usually go in at five am to one pm, sometimes they call me in earlier if they need me." Lotus hums in acknowledgement.

With the discussion of shifts out of the way, the two planned around other things too, including the meet up with their old friends. Which did lighten the mood a lot, "Palette still hates you" Lotus Snickers, Rurik rolls his eyes, pushing back dreads that had fallen in his face, "Still? I thought I held a pretty good grudge" he replies with a snort, "Yeah! Like if anyone were to still hate you, I'd assume it's Beck." "Oh God!" Rurik groans, "That guy seriously couldn't get over you" Lotus says, playfully jabbing the other "Yeah, and it was so awkward! Like Valentine's day I think it was five years back?, When he gave me flowers" the two laugh, "I remember we had to cancel a show because it turned out you were allergic to baby's breath" Lotus recalled.

"Deathly, allergic to baby's breath" Rurik says, "The guy nearly killed me haha, man I hope he's doing well... I hope all of them are doing well.." "yeah... I hope Sam is still the punk mom friend." Rurik Huff's, "No she still is. Trust me. She's still scolding me like I'm one of her kids." Lotus chuckled, 'I mean you did live with here at one point" he says, "Yeah, true." Rurik replies. "Hey, you said a bit ago, that you got your set fixed? My bass is in the trunk of my truck. Totally be down to play a few songs" Rurik suggests, Lotus perks up, "Oh man! I almost completely forgot! Hell yeah man!" 

The rest of the day was them trying to get the hang of old hobbies. Well more so Rurik, than Lotus. But it felt nice.... He hasn't been this happy in a while... _The butterflies are back._


	8. Chapter 8

It was a few days into Rurik's stay, and much like they usually do, the two had been talking quite a bit. Nothing out of the ordinary, discussions about work, more reminiscing on the past, normal stuff. Honestly the week had been going great in Lotus' opinion. He'd bandaged his hands for the last time, most of the scratches and bites have scabbed, give for a few he keeps accidentally pick off. But for the most part, he felt a lot better. It felt nice to be able to focus on doing other stuff than work and being paranoid.

A part of him knows that Rurik has been keeping him busy by occupying any free time with things to do, or talk about. Not that Lotus was complaining. After all, it's been a while since he's genuinely enjoyed life.... The butterflies haven't gotten any better... _And I've been lacking on my research...._ The two fell on the topic of their new favorite drinks, which kind of surprised Lotus, Rurik hardly drank, but then again, if he did, the other was going to get plastered.

Rurik always made it a point to stick with the ' occasionally vist' kinda style, addiction and alcoholism ran in the family. But Lotus always appreciated that about him, it was nice to not be the only sober friend at a party. But once again, Lotus smiles as he talks about this whiskey he's had since he moved in two years back. A gift from Mr. Geno. " For the nicest man I've ever met, he's got a pretty good and strong taste in whiskey." Lotus claims, but it is true, the older gentleman had quite a strong taste, "Yeah? Didn't think anyone in that family was big on drinking. Don't they believe in God or something?" Lotus snorts at his friends question, "What? No. Goth's father is a God, remember?" Lotus says, Rurik looks at him for a minute before slapping himself in the face, "Pfft, yeah. Sorry, it's been a while since I've talked to them." Lotus says he understands. "Wanna try some of it? I've only had a little, but from what I remember, it tasted pretty good" there's a bit of silence, before Lotus jumps to say- "No pressure! Of course! I know how you are with alcohol, I don't want you to feel obligated or anything" he says, Rurik brushes it off, " Nah, you're good. I wouldn't mind having a drink or two."

'Drink or two'... Famous last words. They were half way done with the bottle, and while Lotus had a pretty strong alcohol tolerance, a factor into why he was usually also sober at parties, this had been a pretty strong whiskey. Which he guessed made sense. Geno probably has it made really strong for Death.

Since Lotus can barely recall the other saying he didn't mind drinking every once in a while. But safe to say, Lotus was fairly drunk, Rurik on the other hand. Man if Lotus was more sober, he'd be recording and enjoying the moment. His friend was absolutely wasted, giggling and talking about Gods know what, all Lotus could focus on was how cute and pretty his friend was. Until he smacked himself mentally, drunk or not, he couldn't risk that again.

Too caught up in trying to keep his thoughts together, he barely misses his friend that's leaned in closer. Lotus jumps a bit, which makes the other snicker, placing a hand on his shoulder, Rurik's head lands on his chest as another fit of giggles pours out from his wasted friend. Lotus can't help but let out a few himself, it wasn't often he saw the other like this, especially in a real long time.

All seemed to be going well, that was until they were once again, close to each other, any logical thinking that Lotus could rack up was screaming at him to push his friend away, that them being this close was a really, really, bad idea. But before he could put those plans in action, lips meet his. And for a brief moment, he was back in the older days, where kisses like this were common, and snuck between shows, before leaving each other.... Before.... Before Rurik told him.

The moment that thought rushed back into his head, did Lotus realize that they shouldn't be doing this. He pulls back, and gently shoves the other away, who looks confused. _No. No. You'll just get hurt again._ However, as Lotus chases air that managed to leave him he realizes.... _Wasn't there that stupid saying.. . Drunk words are sober thoughts??_ No. He needed to convince himself that saying didn't include actions.

They're both drunk, they need to sleep. "'severything ok?" _Gods damnit!_ Even flat out wasted, Rurik still sounds so genuine... "Yeah... Mm, I'm gonna go to bed.. I think you umm.... You should sleep too" he pulls the words together, and wills himself to stand up... Everything iz fuzzy, but he just needs to get to bed... Maybe he's drunk enough to forget all this happened.... He knows the taller sure is... The thought of that makes him sad for some reason...

Walking into his room, he leans onto it to close the door behind him, and slides down. He shouldn't still love Rurik, he thought three years was plenty of time. It should have been plenty of time. So why did he still have feelings for him? Why, out of all the people he knows, did it have to be Rurik?

He'd much rather have feelings for a rock than his ex. And what about the rest of the week? It was barely Wednesday. Lotus didn't know what to do, or how to feel. Staring straight ahead, at his desk... One thing was certain. "I have a lot more work to do."


	9. Chapter 9

_**Dear... I don't know anymore** _

_**I'm at a loss, I keep thinking about last night. I know I'm just overthinking it... He was just drunk and people do stupid things when they're drunk, right? All I know is that I've been arguing with myself all day ... If I tell him, I could ruin everything we've been working on this week. But maybe it's for the best right? After all, with Rurik here, I haven't had time to further my research. With everything going on, I haven't done much... I'm letting my fears and attachments get in the way. Maybe I need to tell him in hopes he leaves... But I don't want him to-** _

"Why is this so hard" Lotus groans, letting his head fall on to the table. Why did he still have feelings for him? If he didn't, Rurik wouldn't be here, he wouldn't be struggling so much. The sound of his phone pulls him out of his thoughts

_Dumb 12:39pm_   
_**Hey Lotus! Just checking in on you, how's everything going? How are you feeling?** _

Maybe he could talk to Goth about it? Goth had always been the calmer and logical one... Well at when it comes to hard situations. Maybe-

_You 12:41pm_   
**_Actually, I need some advice... Last night, Rurik and I were drinking and he ended up kissing me. I don't know if I should tell him because I'm afraid it'll just ruin everything._ **

Lotus nervously waits, looking around his bed as if he expected the walls to have eyes,

_Dumb 12:42pm_

_**...😀👓🤏 I'm sorry??????** _

Lotus sighed, before hovering over the voice note option

_"Ok, it's not like it held anything... Or at least I don't personally think so. We were both drunk, and Rurik was practically wasted. And it just kinda happened, and I don't know man! I just need some advice on what I should do!"_

Lotus spoke in a hushed tone, though loud enough for the phones mic to pick it up. He let go, and waited again, paranoid, _what if Rurik heard that? No, no... He wouldn't have right?_ Finally Goth replied. Lotus hesitated before finally clicking on the voice bubble

_**"Uh, I'd tell him. But I don't know Lotus, you know how I feel about him. If it holds anything behind it, not saying it does, but if It did, you know what I'd say about it... And what's Sam gonna do when she finds out, cuz no offense man, but Rurik isn't the best at keeping his mouth shut..."**_

Lotus glanced at the door, before back at his phone... _You'll just be putting Rurik in danger. After all, attachments are the key way to control someone... And he's only getting more and more bold...Could you risk his life? And for what? He might not even have feelings for you?_

One thing was sure, Lotus had his hands full. But it's best to rip the bandaid off, right? Get it done and over with... "And if it ruins what little friendship we have... Maybe- maybe it's for the best... Right?" Lotus mummers to himself, he's so stressed, it's making him sick. "Fuck! Why can't everything just be normal!? I just want... I just want to be happy again..." He bites back more, tears of frustration, weeks of built up stress, fall rapidly down his face, making his cheeks warm and his mouth salty. Was it too much to ask? Just for one normal week?

Hell, he'd even take working all week, 24 hours, if it meant he didn't feel this way! A knock at his door rips stolen breath back to him. The door opens, with a concerned looking Rurik peering through. "Is um, is everything ok?" _No. No it's not_ "I heard you yell, and then you were crying... Should I come back later?" _Yes. Yes you should._ But Lotus' brain betrays him, "No- please... Please stay" he gasps out. Rurik stands there for a moment, unsure of what to do... Usually he'd know what to do, and how to help... Like in the past... But he's been standing outside the door for a bit now... And it felt wrong to have been eavesdropping, and he meant to leave, after all he only came by to see if Lotus was up! But- "Uh- yeah sure..." But _Lotus didn't need to know that... Right?_

Rurik walked in, closing the door behind him and standing there, unsure what he should do... He felt really bad that he's basically the reason why Lotus is crying... Again... He was pretty bad at this, wasn't he? Truth be told, there was also a part of him that still held feelings for Lotus, who longed for things to be like how they used to be... When they were nineteen and dumb... Before Rurik gone and fucked everything up... Another guilty thought.

He sat on Lotus' bed, waiting for him to catch his breath. Only to be caught off guard when his friend bit into his own hand, "Lo-" but the other let go, taking another deep, Shakey, breath. Rurik stared at the teeth marks that were slowing drawing blood, but Lotus only stared at him, "A-About last night... Umm.." Lotus' eyes dropped back to the bite mark, using his other hand to wipe some of the blood away, "I- It's not like it was your fault! But you- you um" Lotus struggled to get the words out, and it only made Rurik feel worse... Should he just come clean?

No. He should. "I know." He said, Lotus' head shot up, "Wha- What?" "I kissed you." Rurik said. Biting back his own nervousness... "So you weren't drunk? Or-" "No I was... I umm... I overheard your conversation..." Lotus looked at him confused, before looking away, "oh..." _Apologise you fucking idiot._ "I'm- I'm sorry, I totally didn't mean to do it on purpose! I was just- just coming up here to see if you were um were awake- and I heard you talking- and I meant to walk away- but I didn't-and- ugh! Lotus I'm sorry- sorry about last night- and-amd right now-" "It's ok." Rurik stopped his rambling, "It's ok, because it was an accident... Accidents happen..." Lotus mummers, looking at Rurik, ruby eyes stared into his own, but it didn't make Rurik feel any better... "Besides... You were drunk last night... I figured it didn't mean anything... It just shocked me... Was all" _but- but it did..._ Rurik cleared his throat, looking away nervously, "yeah... Yeah, it um, it was an accident... But I'm still sorry... Just because it was an- um- accident- doesn't make it ok" Lotus looked down again, "I know... But I don't want this to ruin anything... Like we're still good right?" Lotus was asking him... He was the one Lotus should be mad at... Yet... Why did he get this feeling of Dejà vu... Like this isn't the first time Lotus has done this...

No, no it's not Dejà vu, Lotus _has_ done this before... Infact... Rurik's sure he recalls Lotus being the one to assume things are his fault, or that he's the one that needs to make it up, despite it not being his fault. Like the time Rurik almost got in trouble for being out late, it was totally his fault, he knew he should have gone home but he'd wanted to stay longer with Lotus... Lotus took the fault for that... He practically saved Rurik from a- "Lotus. You're not the one who should be asking that." Rurik said, "It's not _your_ fault _I_ kissed you." Lotus looked at him, "Oh..." He said, looking down at his hand, before laughing.

Rurik looked at him, concerned again, he reached out, once he noticed that there were sobs mixed in between laughs, "I'm sorry" _he's apologizing again_ "it's not your fault" "I know." Lotus looked up, "It's just- heh... I'm stressing over nothing..." There's a lot more behind those words, like there's only some relief... There's more...

_But for now. Rurik will leave it_ _be_ _._


	10. Chapter 10

Another good day... After yesterday's whole mess, Rurik isn't sure he can really consider yesterday a good day, but for the sake of just dropping it, he'll just stick with that... He needs to do at least that. Rurik glanced down at his phone from the computer, seeing a few notifications... From... From Sam.

_Sammy 1:30 pm_

_**Hey. Need to talk to you real quick. When u got time** _

Oh. That- that's probably not good. Rurik focuses back at the few shipment reports, furrowing his brows as he tried to figure out what Sam had wanted to talk about. Rurik and Sam's friendship ended pretty badly after that whole mess... And if she's anything like how she was before, which seemed likely, than there's definitely some importance to whatever it is she wanted to talk about.

Hopefully it was just about plans for the reunion... Mmmm, maybe he should think about other things... Like how he's stuck here, thirty minutes after his shift because the person in charge of doing this, didn't... Yeah, that was a good distraction. So he returns to filling out the spreadsheets, admittedly, working a bit slower to avoid this conversation.

Two- fifteen... And he was done, he should have worked slower... Oh well, not like he could avoid Sam anyways, she's always been persistent. Logging out and standing to stretch he made his way out the door, making sure to clock out. He walks over to his truck, and stops, looking at his phone.

_You 2:16 pm_   
**_Ok... I'm free. What's up?_ **

_Sam 2:16 pm_   
**_Meet me here-_ **

That. That was quick, Rurik looked at the location, it was a park not too far from here, he's nervous. Sam was nice, she's very sweet, but equally intimidating. You could blame him for being afraid, he's literally seen her jump off a stage and tackle people before.... They used to joke about Sam being the security guard of the entire group. The memory makes Rurik smile a bit, as he gets into his truck, though it falls immediately after, because things are different now... Sam was always protective of the gang, often dubbed the mom of the group.  
  
Even in private, Sam always held up that sweet, nurturing, and protectiveness. In the few conversations they've had, even after what he had done, Sam couldn't bring herself to be violent towards Rurik... He sighs, and decided that it's probably a good idea to get going.

Seeing Sam again was wild, she didn't look much different, still kept with the Punk look. Blue eyes meet brown, and Rurik is yet again nervous. The last time they were face to face, Sam was angry, she was a mess, but now, she smiles at Rurik, waving him over. He walks over like a child who's been caught doing something he shouldn't be.

He sits down next to Sam, who was busy watching her daughter, Rurik stared at her kid, it was odd, just three years ago she was stage jumping, rough housing with Beck, but now... "Her names Lily" Sam says, waving to the little girl on top of the slide, "Oh.. um cute" he replies, Sam sighs, before looking at Rurik, "So, you and Lotus hanging out again" she says, Rurik bites his tongue, "Yeah, but it's not like that." "Didn't say it was" Oh gods this is so embarrassing.

Rurik looked at his hands, before finally facing Sam, "I-I know- it's just-" "What? Afraid I'm still upset with you?" She asks, Rurik nods, "Not that I'd blame you... Any of you" there's a huff, before Sam playfully pushes him, returning his attention to her, "Truth be told, I'm still very disappointed. I taught you boys better, but we were young. And incredibly stupid... I don't know... I guess I just..." Sam sighs, "It's not like it matters anymore. The only reason why I wanted to talk to you personally, was just because I still care about you, both of you. You're a good person Rurik, you've just got some things to work out is all" Rurik looked away, there goes Sam, being Sam.

She always knew what to say that'd make him almost cry. "You think so?" He asks, he's been putting himself down for so long, that there was something about hearing the words from someone who he thought was going to beat the crap out of him... Felt nice... "Yeah, you obviously want to fix things with Lotus, with everyone. I've hardly doubted that, even after what you did. You obviously regretted it... It's just- I don't know..." He understands, or so he wants to say. He understood why Sam yelled at him, why she screamed. "Yeah..." "Anyways, how's Lotus doing? I try to talk to him, but he's not really good at answering his phone" Rurik looks forward, watching the few kids play, "He's umm... He could be doing better if I'm honest." Sam nods, "Is everything ok?" She asks.

"No" he answers honestly, letting his head fall into his hands, "I'm pretty worried actually. When I originally went there after Goth had called me, worried, I thought that Lotus was just going through an episode... But I didn't know just how bad it's gotten..." Sam looks at him, worried, "His dad still giving him trouble?" Rurik chuckles, "Yeah. Lotus called me one night, freaking out... I guess his father's been basically stalking him... Sent him that red scarf he always wore. I've been staying with him for the past week, but it doesn't feel right to leave him... All by himself. I don't know Sam, all of this stress is making me real worried about him. He looks pale all the time, his hands are just covered in bandages-" "So it's getting worse?" Sam asks, Rurik looks at her and nods, "Yeah... I've been trying to keep him busy, it worked in the past, but now- I don't know..." There a sense of melancholy in the air, but a wide eyed child interrupts it.

Sam smiles, scooping the child into her arms "Was' up kiddo?" The little girl, Lily Rurik remembers, stammers staring at Rurik, and huddling closer to her mother, "Umm, I was just, umm, does dad get me this day?" She asks, Sam looks at her for a second, before standing up, hosting her child up with her "Crap! Oh man, I almost forgot! Sorry sugar, we'll get going ok? Why don't you go down the slide a few more times while I say goodbye to my friend here, ok?" The little girl nods excitedly, wiggling out of her mother's arms before rushing to the playground, "Sorry to cut this short, forgot it's Friday, haha, anyways, we'll chat again at the reunion." Rurik stands up and nods, "Uh yeah. Of course." He smiles, he's taken back when he's engulfed by one of Sam's hugs. Which,much like their friend AJ, was tight, like it'll squeeze the life outta you.

Rurik hugs her back, it felt nice, like for a moment things aren't a shit show. "Tell Lotus that I said hi, and that I can't wait to see him!" "Yeah! I will" Sam nods, calling for her kid again, "Oh, um, one more thing... Take care of yourself too, Rurik." The words throw him off guard, "I know you care about Lotus, but you've got your own issues. Take care of yourself too." She says sternly, there's no room for argument. "See ya' later" she says, picking up Lily and waving bye. Rurik waved goodbye before standing there a bit longer... Friday... It doesn't feel right to leave Lotus, but that's what they agreed on, a week, and that week is almost up.


	11. Chapter 11

It's Saturday... Rurik isn't too sure he's comfortable leaving Lotus behind on his own. Sure nothings happened, but isn't that how most weirdos work? They create a pattern of whatever... But it didn't ease the nervousness... Would Lotus be ok, all by himself? Sure he could always call him... Or Goth.. or literally anyone... But that didn't make things feel better. Before Lotus leaves for work, Rurik pulls him aside, "Hey, promise me you'll call _someone_ if things get bad." Lotus stares at Rurik for a minute, "Um, yeah. Obviously..." He replies, it's a little relief, but not enough. "I know. I know, I'm just a little worried about leaving you here" Lotus sighs, but a gentle smile creeps on his face, "I'll be ok. And I'll call someone if things go wrong." He says, Rurik nods, and before Lotus leaves, he stops, "do you work tomorrow?" He asks, Rurik thanks for a moment, "Not that I'm aware of, unless they call me in" Lotus' smile grows a tad, "Good." He doesn't go into it anymore than that and leaves for work.

The drive to work feels longer than usual. He's been doing his best to forget the events of two nights ago... But he can't get it out of his head. He thought it was bad enough that he still felt feelings for Rurik... But now this? This only amped it up. It was actually begining to annoy him. No matter how many times he's told himself that it's not safe to really be attached to anyone, he always ends up in this position.

Stuck between what he wants and what he needs... He wishes things were easier. With a sigh, he pulls into the drive way, leaning his head on the steering wheel. Why was scared anyways? What's different now? _A lot._

Getting out of his car, he ties his hair up, before walking into the shop, pulling his apron from the wall and over his head, he looks up, expecting to see Bethany... "Ezekiel?" "Lotus! My man! It's been a bit huh?" The other calls from the counter, Lotus walks behind it, washing his hands and setting up, "Um, yeah, I thought Beth was working tonight" he says, the other nods, "She called in sick, so looks like you're stuck with me" he says, latching an arm around Lotus' neck and ruffling his hair, Lotus rolled his eyes with a smile, before pushing the others arm away from him, "Great, go wash your hands, nasty" Lotus snickers as Ezekiel groans, the sound of the sink fills the rather empty shop.

"Looks like a slow night" Lotus comments, Zek looks up from the sink, shaking his hands dry, "mm, yeah I think so." The two sigh collectively, leaning against the counter, "So, what's been going on with you?" The taller asks, Lotus shrugs, " the usual, been hanging out with Rurik this past week." "Oh yeah, Beth told me what happened, or at least just a little bit, I'm not one to get into business that ain't got anything to do with me" Lotus hums, "Yeah, same. Anyways, what about you?" He asks, Ezekiel crosses his arms, thinking, "Nothing really interesting, finishing up my classes for the semester. Been thinking about maybe picking up another major." Lotus chuckles, "No breaks huh?" "Nope, and not like you can talk, when was the last time you took a break?" "Got me there" Lotus laughs.

Work continues like normal, it's slow, but the pace is nice, means there's more time to relax between customers. Though it's hard to relax when there's so much going on. Ezekiel places a hand on his shoulder which makes Lotus jump, "You good man? You've been pretty tense... Did Beth get you sick?" Lotus took a second to calm down, "Y-Yeah, yeah, I'm good, just a little tired is all" "Then make yourself something, we work at a coffee shop haha" Lotus awkwardly laughs along, "Umm, yeah." now that he thought about it, it wasn't a terrible idea to make some, "You want any?" he asks, Zek shrugs, "Nah, I'm not a coffee person. More of an energy drink kinda guy"

Lotus hums, before turning and making a quick home brew. "What do you even put in that stuff?" Zek asks, Lotus hums, grabbing the coffee pot at the sound of it's beep, "Nothing but a little sugar" he says, pouring a mug, and adding a little sugar, "Gross" he laughs, "Better than Energy drinks" "You sure 'bout that? Coffee isn't that good for you either." Lotus shrugs, "Eh, true. But at least my kidneys won't croak early on." he jokes, he hears Ezekiel chuckles, "You say that like you don't know me" the two engage in more bantering and small talk.

"Ugh, I hate slow shifts, what time is it?" Lotus looks up from the fridge, before pulling out his phone, "two thirty" Zek groans again, "Why'd we decide to work the night shift?" " 'Cuz we've got pretty bad social anxiety?" Lotus responds, Zek huffs, "yeah... Hey, what'cha doing today? It's technically your day off, right?" "Yeah, um, I have plans though" "Ah, we have to hang out soon man, maybe invite Beth" "So you can crush on her?" Lotus asks smugly, Ezekiel gasps before playfully smacking the back of Lotus' head, "HEY!" he says, offended, Lotus laughs, holding his hands up in defense, "Not my fault you've got a crush" "Who's already dating someone!" Lotus looks up at Zek, "Buuutt, I'm pretty sure I heard her talking about being Polyamorus." Lotus smirks when he watches Zek's face flush, "Susheth your face" he says, Lotus shrugs, turning away.

"Just saying man, you should give it a shot." there's a little bit of silence as Lotus finishes stocking the fridge, standing up, he turns to face Zek, "You sure?" he asks, Lotus shrugs, "I mean, I don't see the harm in trying" So he says, but honestly, the words don't feel right coming from him. He feels in the wrong for giving out advice he, himself, can't follow. But he says it with confidence anyways, maybe if he helps one person he could feel a little better? It's not a healthy coping mechanism, but it was better than picking at his hands. Which he's been thankful that his friend hasn't brought it up.

He stared at the bandage placed over where he'd bitten himself, he still can't believe he did that in front of Rurik... He still felt bad for it, even if the other had told him that it was ok, it didn't feel like it was. Lotus sighed, gently pulling at the bandage, "Sorry, I um, I got sidetracked." Lotus mummers, "Oh, no dude you're ok! No worries" the two continue work, mostly cleaning, until it's time to turn in. Ezekiel walks out with Lotus, they say their goodbyes before leaving.

The drive home is long, and Lotus is beyond exhausted when he enters the door. There's more he wants to do, but he should probably sleep... But walking down the hall is difficult, and getting into his room is harder. He doesn't know why he's so tired, it had to be just the mental exhaustion catching up to him. He barely makes it to his bed, before passing out.


End file.
